Loving Me

So, I have been thinking alot ( too much lately if you ask Brian :0) ) but I want to love myself more. Haha....do I sound full of myself yet? No I mean to accept my outer flaws, all of them. To give myself comments, to avoid insecurities. I know working on my innerself will take my whole life, but I figure, if I can have a better attitude about the outer, then I could be an all around better person. Take for instance I was thinking for this post, I'd put a picture of just me. And did you guess what happened? I took about 20....didn't like any of them. For some reason I've always thought I look worse in pictures, or from a diagnal....stop laughing. My biggest complaints are usually my pores, my scar, my unproportional face, my stretch marks, my toes, skin coloring, hair color, crookedish teeth/mouth, my eye shape/position and one other area to which those of you who know me, know what it is. Do I sound negative yet? Don't you dare look for them next time I see you! But a change of plans has been made to order! I want to focus on what I do like, or make what I don't like silly or acceptable in my mind....maybe even eventually positive? I mean, can't thinking more positively make something look better? I sure do need to....cause exposing my insecurities all of the sudden made me feel naked!

So I will say what I do like:

I like my nose profile :0), my ears (eh what's not to like), my hair thickness (not too thick or thin), the few freckles I have (they seem to have disapeared over the years), my arms, the mole by my belly button ( too personal? naw it's just my button!-Elise's words), my fingernails, the fact that I only have peach fuzz above my knees on my legs, my hips, and then there are a few others that are in the 'pending' state that I am working on.

I have a goal to enter into a state of acceptance first. Then maybe turn some of those 'acceptable traits' into unique, cool traits that make me different or special.

I'm starting with, "Huh, this body gets me from here to there, how nice of it. This body is my friend, helping me do so many things, like hold my baby. No matter how much I haven't liked ____, it works, how blessed am I? Well geeze, it's not all that bad, it kinda gives me character!"

You're probably thinking, "Whoa, why would she tell everyone this?" or "Dang now everyone is going to know what she does!" Well, I don't care. I like being honest with myself, and I have come to a realization that something shared is something gained. Admitting imperfections that I have (character ones) doesn't bother me. I think it shows strength. Because I have discovered a fault, admitted I have it, and now am working on it. That's growth in it's beginning stages and is a beautiful thing. Being positive in any aspect is really so refreshing and inspiring. In fact, I have my best days when I am optimistic. Everything is so much happier, beautiful and just less complicated. My biggest goal for the year 2011, being more optimistic in every area and Loving Me :0)

Elise lost her first tooth!

She was so excited to lose her tooth. But I'm not quite sure she realized it would hurt when she told Brian to pull it out :0) She got a bag of change and some chap stick for those chapped lips! She insisted that the tooth didn't go under her pillow because the fairy wouldn't be able to get it, smart girl!

The other day when I was driving her to school we had the radio on the song Marry Me by Train. She said, "That's weird, he's saying marry me. All he should do is just do something for her, like make her food." I love my Leiser.

She also learned to braid only after being shown twice, it was a new years goal for her, and she is so motivated!

Jovi's 1st Birthday!

Jo's 1st Birthday! The cake was super yummy, served with strawberries and vanilla frozen yogurt!

Mom and Dad Schrock, Jared, Bethanie, Mason and Lorin came to help celebrate which was awesome! She loved her presents and had so much fun with family! :0) The kinect was pulled out and well, it was too hilarious....even mom Schrock pulled out her dance moves! We feel truly blessed to have had Jovi join our family 1 year ago, she is just the perfect daughter and little sister.

It's almost Christmas

Yay! School is out, and Elise doesn't go back till January 18th! Pretty awesome! To start off the Christmas break we made cookies, wrapped presents and are about to watch a Christmas movie!

The picture is Elise's and Jovi's first time on Santa's lap!! Woohoo Elise, her first Christmas not afraid to sit on his lap!
This season has been so fun with her, she is really getting into it, wanting to Christmas shop, wrap presents, look at lights. It has been so fun!
Brian has been out of town for a few days, which has been kinda fun and lonely all at once. For one, mental note to Tara: Don't watch a scary movie before you go to bed you dork, it results in pocket knife under your pillow (apartments are loud!). On a more positive note, I have been getting some projects done that I have put off FOREVER, which I have to say feels so good.
Elise got her first award at school today, which we are so proud of her for! There were about 7 out of the 25 in her class that got one. Hers was for: Outstanding student,careful worker, Consistent work in everything and very responsible.
Elise has shown all kinds of interest in church, and has been asking so many questions. Her most recent thought was: "You know, That really isn't fair that we didn't get to see Jesus when he was a baby!" Yeah, that would have been fun huh? " I know, and I would bring him my toys for my gift! Did you get to see him as a baby mommy?" No Elise, that was 2,000 years ago. "Oh....were you alive then?" Huh....no.
This morning I made Elise breakfast. After I handed it to her I said, "How is it?" She tried it and thought for a second and said, "Pretty salty", What, really? "Yeah......but that's okay mommy, it's a.......... good salty!" She is so sweet!

We spent Thanksgiving in El Paso which was alot of craziness and fun! There were 4 babies and 3 little kids! It was a full house but it was alot of fun and went too fast! We were very lucky that everyone could make the trip, and for a whole week!

Thanksgiving

SO... It is November now, and yes even here in San Diego some of the leaves are turning orange, the air is crisp and my candles have been in continual use. Usually everybody (including myself) starts celebrating Christmas and indulging in gifts, treats and a Christmas mind set the second Halloween is over. I absolutely LOVE Christmas, it's just amazing and I start the countdown till it arrives in January. I have decided this year to do very minimal Christmas things yet and to observe 'Thanksgiving' the whole month of November. The more I've thought about it, Thanksgiving is really the best holiday. And I'm not talking about all the food.
I had one of the best 3 hours of church I've had in a while where everything: sacrament meeting (testimonies), sunday school and relief society were all pretty much amazing! The spirit was just dancing around our church building :0) and it was awesome. (Don't freak out, I don't mean literally) I had so many things I started thinking about and a realization that I am immensly blessed! So, I decided I wanted to celebrate the season of Thanksgiving! I am going to try to overall be more thankful for everything! Our country, church, family, friends, trials, my body (well at least the good/healthy parts), and everything I take for granted. Beautiful music and a calm, peaceful walk to the beach. Hiking through meadows with my family, looking for orange butterflies with my little Leiser. The opportunity Brian and I have to raise two beautiful girls and have them with us forever. The best husband in the world that is so patient with me. Rain and the way it smells afterwords, sunsets and rainbows. Date nights with the love of my life and best friend- holding his hand, flirting and laughing while his sweet parents watch our angels. We really have the best family ever on both sides (lucky us). Brian's job that supports our little family, our home and President Monson! (I love that man)

Wo I am writing!

Alright...2 years later and I decide eh, I don't know maybe I should update this thing? So much has happened since then! I went through a whole pregnancy (aw man I didn't get to use the pregnancy little ticker on the blog! So depressing ;0). Our little angel is now 7.5 months old! Jovi Kaikea was born January 14th at 7 lb. 13 ounces. She is a doll that loves to crawl backwards, chew on tags, eat and play with her big sister. Our little family of four could not be more perfect!

Elise turned 5 August 20th and starts school next week! I can't even believe that yet! I am a mom of a kindergardener! She is so excited for it too! Her only worry is that she won't see me as much, which is so cute! Her teacher's name is Mrs. Peterson and she's about 6'2"!

I have a goal to spend my free time wiser. With Elise going to school for the first time (she didn't go to preschool) I can now get some quality things done during Jovi's nap. No internet stuff either. Purely sewing, bows, piano and reading! I will probably need to write it down so I don't blow it off, for some reason I take myself so much more serious when I write things down.

Alright, so for Elise's funny quote for today. While talking about what animals we would want to be Elise says, " Daddy would be a monkey........Daddy loves bananas!! When you are sleeping at night daddy eats tons of bananas! He just gobbles them down!" Wow I never knew that, maybe I should set up a hidden cam to catch the monkey act.

Christmas is over.........which it almost doesn't even feel like it happened! It went by very fast. Plus, this year was our first year not being in our own home during the Christmas holidays, so that kinda changes alot. I know I know.....still milking the living in with the parentals. What can I say! Supposedly we should be moving into our new home (apt) within the next two weeks. At least that's the plan. It's what Elise calls, "Our Blue house", in her prayers.

Brian is doing pretty good with work, you know he is actually pretty good at anything he puts his mind to, lucky guy. He loves to get in some weight lifting, raquetball, basketball, or pretty much any sport with his free time. He's such a boy :0) .
Elise is getting so big and saying so many different crazy things.....I just can't believe how smart she is. The other day there was a guy asking for money in front of Target with a sign saying he was from some sort of shelter, raising money. And please don't think I'm terrible , but I usually don't give them money because I just don't know how legit any of that is...I mean I could make a sign out of cardboard that says I was raising money for the battered womens shelter and not shower for a week, and then go home and show Brian all the money I made. Plus I pay my tithing :0). So I try to dodge them without making eye contact cause I feel kinda awkward but Elise points at them and yells," Mom, put money in his bucket!!! Give him money mommy!!!" Right, thanks Elise.....here's 3 quarters....geeze
So I happened accross some awesome stuff and have set myself some New Years goals.... I am quite inspired and must share my insight!!!!
* Just for today, I will live through this day only. i will not brood about yesterday or obsess about tomorrow. I will not set far-reaching goals or try to overcome all of my problems at once. I know that I can do something for 24 hours that would overwhelm me if i had to keep it up for a lifetime.
*Just for today I will be happy. I will not dwell on thoughts that depress me. If my mind fills with clouds, I will chase them away and fill it with sunshine.
*Just for today I will accept what is. I will face reality. I will correct those things that I can correct and accept those I cannot.
*Just for today I will improve my mind. I will read something that requires effort, thought and concentration. I will not be a mental loafer.
*Just for today, I will make a conscious effort to be agreeable. I will be kind and courteous to those who cross my path, and I'll not speak ill of others. I'll improve my appearance, speak softly, and not interupt when someone else is talking. I will refrain from improving anybody but myself.
*Just for today I will gather the courage to do what is right and take responsibility for my own actions.

Something else I would like to think of is from a St. Francis prayer:

"Grant that I may not so much seek to be consoled as to console;
To be understood as to understand;
To be loved as to love;
For it is in giving that we receive;
It is in pardoning that we are pardoned."